Far-Flung Found PHones

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If you think cellphones have saturated society you don’t know the half of it - we’re two service contracts from it starting to hail handsets, and they’ve started turning up in the unlikeliest places:

1. The FishPhone

We’ve all found phones, but we’re not all fishmongers wrist-deep in gutted cod - making trawlerman Glen Kerley’s story unique. He’d caught a big one, a twenty-five-pounder, only to find that one pound was considerably more electronic than the average non-cyber-cod. Pulling a phone from the fish’s stomach, he called a few numbers on what must have been the most aromatic handset in the world and eventually reunited it with it’s owner.

Andrew Cheatle had lost it at the beach the previous week, either that or he was trying to call Aquaman. He was actually shopping for a replacement when the call came in. Amazingly, the phone still sorta worked - and though Cheatle had to have the circuit board replaced, to get rid of the sort of glitches that only a week inside a fish can truly engender in electronics, he went with repair instead of replacement because that’s just not the kind of story you can get with a new phone contract.

2. Bag Of Crisps

A Wisconsin woman found a phone in a big bag of crisps - which can’t help with all the talk that they’re bad for you. Even more worryingly, while the phone that spent a week inside a swimming fish still worked the crisp-caller was choked with grease and utterly unfunctional. It’s also unsettling in terms of quality control: when you’re eating crisps you aren’t looking at what you’re doing - you rely on the company to screen out contamination, insects, fingers, and ideally be able to spot a full-size electrical device in a bag. Or to put it another way: never mind cockroaches, this company failed to catch something the size of a small bomb.

3. Cause Of The Crash

It was pretty easy to work out who caused a Kentucky crash where an SUV flipped and rolled off the road. They found a phone still tightly clutched in the driver’s hand, and if they only found that hand (and arm) several minutes after they found the driver, well, that’s a demonstration of the importance of hands-free calling. Something this will driver certainly have to learn about.

4. Wile E. Coyote Attempts Smuggling

An unknown accomplice attempted to smuggle a cellphone into a Dublin jail via the medium of birthday cake, perhaps because they confused “Dublin” with “Disney cartoon.” They even asked a priest to carry the cake in to the convict, meaning they’re only one orphan kid and talking inanimate object from being the villain in a children’s movie. The cellphone was discovered during a standard X-Ray, as the average prison guard is actually aware that sometimes criminals do things they aren’t supposed to - a factor the brilliant baking mastermind didn’t anticipate.

The idiocy icing on the cretin-cake is that the recipient of the phone is only in jail for two years, while the sentence for cellphone-smuggling is five. Between them they could create an infinite loop and stay behind bars for ever.

5. Very Personal Calls

A Texan jail found some very intimately-inserted inmate electronics, and if you don’t know where that could be we wouldn’t shatter your innocent worldview for anything. The worst thing is how this isn’t even news, but we’d really be remiss to report on odd phone-findings without at least one example of rectal-retrieval. It certainly adds new dimensions to “really needing to take a call.”

Via Mobile phone blog